Proof of Life.

It was pointed out to me by my mentor, Jill, that my last post about my chronic condition being my full-time job was good, but missing a critical element – the connection between what I’m doing to take care of myself, and the reasons I have to. I am not just a victim of a random disease […]

The Turn of the Year.

I made Christmas cookies yesterday, which always makes me nostalgic. Mom used to make ten or fifteen types of cookies; she made some of the same kind every year but she also liked to experiment with a new recipe or two every year. I remember what the shelf looked like with all the cookie tins […]

The Best Defense…

Protective coloring. Personal camouflage. Adaptations. Defense mechanisms. All things designed to protect and deflect. The dictionary defines camouflage in nature as the defensive reaction of an organism, using a combination of materials or coloration for concealment, either by making animals or objects hard to see or by disguising them as something else. Animals and insects also […]

Body Language.

One of my favorite novels is by Jean Hanff Korelitz. Titled, You Should Have Known, it’s about a family therapist/psychologist who has recently written a book that describes the relationship theory she has come to after years of practice: namely, that people share who they are with others in a hundred different ways. From the […]

The Hummingbird Hierarchy.

I don’t know if this happens to other people (though I suspect it does), but I’ll be going along believing something about the world and myself and how everything works, and I’ll have been doing some reading, or thinking, or self-exploration – and I’ll realize something might not be or work the way I thought […]

At the Corner of Crazy and Codependent.

This really counts as a follow up to my post, “Emotional Survivalist,” because the two subjects are so related – unhealthy ways of being in relationship that I am really good at! Nobody knows exactly who coined the word, “codependent,” but Melody Beattie brought it into common usage in the seventies. It was originally used […]

Emotional Survivalism.

I am an emotional survivalist. I am not making preparations for the end-times, don’t live in a bunker, and don’t hoard canned food and batteries. What makes me a survivalist is my historic ability to live on the barest minimum of emotional nourishment. I have a history of taking whatever small amounts of love, support, […]

May the Force Be With Us.

Recently, I applied to a local hospital’s Spiritual Care Department to be part of a program that trains people to be non-denominational patient chaplains. I had to turn in a long application, explaining my religious background and history of care of others. In the interview, I was quizzed about what I had written, as well […]


In honor of Valentine’s Day! As I believe I’ve mentioned, intimacy was a bit thin on the ground in my family of origin. If you want to know more about codependency or depression, I’m your girl, but intimacy? Not so much. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my parents and my family and […]